New Job Position in Dallas

Small business owner seeking stable, focused, down-to-earth, low-key personal assistant who wants to work with me in starting/growing my home-based business. Tasks may somewhat vary, including housekeeping, shopping, errands and administrative responsibilities.

Regular duties include:
- Grocery shopping
- Cooking meals for the week
- Housecleaning, anything from laundry to cat litter
- Various administrative tasks, like filing, some data entry, returning phone calls, sending emails.
- Some bookkeeping, but no experience necessary.

Requirements: 1 full workday per week, same day each week. You pick the day. Must have experience in keeping long-term commitments, such as long-term experience in the same job, or long-range accomplishments or goals.

Position is near Royal and Webb Chapel, Dallas, Tx, 75229.

Hourly rate: $15 / hr. References required. I prefer someone that will stay on long-term. Send your resume to mark@littlelovecoach.com by Midnight April 15th.

Ask a Mexican!

I highly recommend Ask a Mexican! He's funny, smart and Mexican. He's syndicated nationwide, including the Dallas Observer. He was also feature on The Daily Show.

Dear Mexican,

How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, José becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo devolves into Memo.

—It's Marcela, Not Chela

I want to know why Mexicans have such incongruous nicknames. In English, people have nicknames that have some relation to their given names—for example, Kenny is the nickname for Kenneth, or Jenny for Jennifer. Granted, there are some nicknames that seem like a stretch of logic, like Jack for John and Peg for Margaret, but there are none so incompatible as Pepe for José, Pancho for Francisco, or Chucho (or Chuy) for Jesus. I have asked many Mexicans about this, and they all tell me, "Porque así es," so I finally decided to ask THE Mexican.

—a China Curiosa Who's Really Korean

Dear Wabette and Chinita,

The definitive study on this quirk remains Viola Waterhouse's "Mexican Spanish Nicknames," included in the 1981 anthology Linguistics Across Continents: Studies in Honor of Richard S. Pittman. Unfortunately, the ethnolinguist devotes most of her article to including as many seemingly wacky Mexican apodos as possible (some of the better ones mentioned are Goyo for Gregorio, Licha for Alicia, Nacho for Ignacio, and Cuco for Refugio) instead of theorizing why Mexican Spanish is prone to such a mangled morphology. Waterhouse does identify one phenomenon that factors into many of these name changes: palatalization, when speakers pronounce non-palatal consonants as palatals—for example, the transformation of s into a ch sound when Salvador becomes Chava. Other phonetical laws not mentioned by Waterhouse that influence Mexican Spanish nicknames include apocopation (the dropping of a word's last letters or syllables—Caro for Carolina), apheresis (when a word loses syllables or letters at its beginning—Mando for Armando) and syncopation, when a word contracts by shedding sounds (that's how Roberto becomes Beto).

But the question remains: Why the dropping of sounds and letters in Mexican Spanish nicknames? This Mexican's take: Most nicknames derived from proper nombres are shortened versions of the original. Mexicans advance this process by employing the above-mentioned tricks. Such trends occur in languages that are evolving into newer, bolder tongues. So enjoy your pussy Billys from William and Cathys from Catherine, gabachos: Mexicans will take the linguistic wonder that is creating Lencho from Lorenzo any day.

Dear Mexican,

Do Mexicans see us Filipinos as chinos or as hybrid Latinos? After all, we have Spanish surnames, we're brown and Catholic, we have quinceañeras (just several years after your chicas do) and we started that grape strike Mexicans get credit for.

—Fabulous Little Island Person

Dear FLIP,

Gracias for allowing the Mexican to set the historical record straight. American history classes teach kiddies that César Chávez and his United Farm Workers brought justice to farm workers through boycotts and strikes in California's Central Valley during the 1960s. What the history books rarely mention is that Chávez and his Mexican followers first earned national prominence by joining an already existing grape huelga started by Filipino laborers. And what the history books never mention is that many of those pioneer Filipinos joined the UFW, but eventually left because of perceived discrimination at the hands of the union's Mexican-majority leadership and members. One of those Filipinos, former UFW Vice President Philip Vera Cruz, described in his 1992 memoir how the union became "very ethnocentric. When [UFW Mexican members] called out 'Viva la Raza' or 'Viva César Chávez,' they didn't realize that all these 'Vivas' did not include the Filipinos...Terms like that, you see, are not inclusive, but divisive." On that note, FLIP: Yep, Filipinos are nothing more to Mexicans than chinos with tans.

Sales Dogs

On the more tangible side of business, I'm building my marketing machine. For me, this has been the toughest (or at least slowest) part.

I think it may have to do with my character. If you read Sales Dogs, then you'd call me a Retriever. I focus on service, but I don't always focus on "getting the sale," which then lowers my income. Don't misunderstand. By "getting the sale" I don't mean cold calling and pressure. I am against cold calling, and am using Frank's Never Cold Call system to win the sales game. His system shifts your focus to Marketing and Out-going messages, and I think that's the key to success.

Right now, I'm going to stay focused on creating a smooth website experience for people interested in Splatter Dating. Once that site is built and signing up for the Splatter Dating MailBag is easy, then I will focus on keyword SEO and writing articles to get more exposure.

Have any suggestions for activities I should do first? Any suggestions that should move to the front of the line? If so, why?

Benefits of Being Published

My friend, Mike Trollan, asked how business was. This is what I wrote.

I always remember that quote you sent me from Martha Stewart: It was something like "Things really started changing after I got published." Getting published was a very special experience. One one hand, nothing physically changed. I sold a few books, but I didn't make millions. Nothing dramatically shifted in my actual, tangible life.

But this did... The way people started relating to me changed dramatically. The first change was getting booked at venues became so easy. I can now call any local coffee shop or hair salon or other venue, and say "I'd like to have a book signing at your store." And suddenly, they say yes. That is a pretty dramatic shift from the previous series of "no's" I had always received earlier when wanting to create an event with business owners of that caliber.

Also, at networking events or parties, people treat me the same as always. There are the cool kids and the not-as-cool kids. Events go how they've always gone. But if someone mentions that I'm a published author, then suddenly, I start getting introduced to everyone's friends. It's a complete turn-about from the more normal "meet and greet."

So on one hand, nothing has changed yet. And on the other hand, everything has changed. It's been a great experience and I highly recommend it.

Courses from MIT for Free

Courtesy of Ethan Bell at Allied VOA:

MIT offers a number of their courses online for FREE. No course credit is granted, but at least the content is available. Visit http://ocw.mit.edu/OcwWeb/index.htm for available courses (MIT plans to make its entire 1,800 course curriculum available online by year’s end). Other members of the OCW (OpenCourseWare) Consortium of universities with similar offerings include:

· Harvard Law School

· Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health

· Michigan State University

· Tufts University

· University of Notre Dame

· University of California at Irvin

· Utah Valley State College

I have not checked any of the other colleges (been too busy reading material from MIT). MIT also offers MIT World. MIT World™ is a free and open site that provides on-demand video of significant public events at MIT.

Have fun!

Ethan

Relationship Growth Stages

For Dave and me, the toughest part of our relationship was Year 2 and Year 3. For some couples, Years 4 and 5 are so tough that they break up. But then, I think of our relationship. It was pretty easy for those two years. Why do different couples face different levels of difficulties in different years? Is there a trend that we can apply to all relationships? Did you know that once you make it through the first ten years, the likelihood of divorce goes down?

Much like human development, I believe that Relationships face certain challenges and develop certain strengths in certain stages. In each stage of growth, the relationship faces new challenges. If we can identify the challenges that most relationships face in specific stages of being together, then we can teach those skills to couples with enough time to succeed in the face of those challenges.

I think a matching (or parallel) psychological model is Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. Here's a quote from the Wiki page: "In each stage the person confronts, and hopefully masters, new challenges. Each stage builds on the successful completion of earlier stages. The challenges of stages not successfully completed may be expected to reappear as problems in the future."

This theory of mine is not completely hashed out... but here's what I have so far. Also, since these are generalizations, they won't apply cut-and-dry to all couples the same. Ideally, I'll be able to distinguish a larger set of dynamics that run naturally throughout a couple's life together.

Relationship Growth Stages

Year 1: Communication
Agreeing on How to Communicate.
Learning how to express and receive love, communication, and feedback.

Year 2-3: Delegation
Agreeing on Who Does What Tasks in the Relationship.
Learning distribution of labor, acceptance of responsibilities, and workload.

Year 4-5: Resources
Appreciating How Tasks are Done in the Relationship.
Learning how to be productive together and accomplish common goals by agreeing on how to use common resources.

Year 6-7: Independence
Determining What Interests are Outside the Relationship.
Learning how to grow both independently and together, how to have separate interests, and how to still be supportive in times of separation.

I'd love your feedback... leave comments below.

A Series of Tubes

This is too funny!...

New Pages Launch Tomorrow

Our Blog Readers (that's you!) get all the Love Kung Fu secrets FIRST!!! Here are some links to the new webpages that are being announced tomorrow in the monthly newsletter. (You can check them out while I'm still working on them!)

I am hard at work building Love Kung Fu's new Site Map and Article Library. These new pages will compliment the new Love Kung Fu Community page. Remember, I'm still working on these different pages, but I wanted to give you a head's up!

Mortgage Meltdown and Kiyosaki's Predictions

Dave was telling me about the hot topic Mortgage Meltdown he heard about on NPR. If the audio doesn't work or you want another interesting take, read about it on CBS. Since interest rates were so low in 2001-2005, mortgage companies were giving subprime buyers a 100% loan on a variable note with the recommendation that they refi that variable note later. Since the housing market isn't moving very fast, and interest rates are climbing, it has caused a rash of foreclosures as payments climb faster than income.

So far, the current mortgage bust is something I would call typical of an upturning economy. It's typical because the interest rate always match the economy, and the buying trends always follow the interest rate. So when rates were low, buyers bought ARMs (Variable rate loans). Now that rates are going up, buyers have to switch to Fixed Rates. Because of supply and demand, the ripple of foreclosures should pull the entire spread of real estate values down for a little while.

This 'meltdown' points to an article by Robert Kiyosaki about a real estate bubble that he wrote 1.5 years ago, in August 2005. The question that arises from Robert's article is: Will the subprime mortgage meltdown grow into the monster real estate crash that Kiyosaki predicts? Quite honestly, an additional factor is the growing popularity in Real Estate Investing. Too many uninformed RE investors could contribute to a real estate crash as well by selling at a loss because they financially over-committed themselves (as I did myself).

Rageaholics Anonymous

As most of you know, I've started checking out OA, and I have fallen in love with the camaraderie that these 12-step programs embody.

One of the ideas is that certain people have an allergy to alcohol / food / etc. That concept never quite jived with me. After some thoughts, I realized that it didn't jive because an allergy always meant an adverse outwardly viewable physical reaction. The concept that these 12-step programs propagate is an adverse non-visible reaction. In this theory, the allergy trigger a "cravings" mode in the mind and body. The craving is, in fact, a reaction. That idea makes much more sense with my own cravings for candy and soda as I go on and off these "drugs of choice." Once I get a certain amount of sugar, I have physical and mental reactions to it as described above.

I didn't know these programs existed for so many different, interesting topics. There exist 12-step programs for: different drugs, sex and eating. On a whim, I googled "rageaholic anon" after hearing the phrase. I found this great article: How to Stop Losing your Life to Anger on a "Rage Anon" site. The author related to anger as an addictive drug. Again, similar concepts of allergies and abstinence apply. Is anger the newest drug? Or is anger release and management the newest frontier for 12-step programs? What other frontiers might profit by community-driven mental therapy? Got any suggestions? Thoughts?

The 3 Types of Human Power

If money generates political change and money generates social views and social change... Then ultimately, the discourses in capitalism and democracy are run by the people with the most money. So if power is measured by your "buying power," then the exact same dynamics have been at play in human evolution since the invention of the clam. The most important decisions in human development are made by the minority with the most money.

The Internet has given us all new communication skills, but it has not upset the balance of power. It hastened the pace at which people become powerful or powerless (in terms of money, not identity), but has not really increased the percentage of powerful people as much as I thought it always would.

I envisioned a world where the best politicians are kept in office because everyone is voting. I envisioned a place where the planet is saved because that's what the people wanted. It seems the "great democratization of the planet" (eg. the internet) has given more production power to humanity, but not changed the fundamental dynamic of human interaction nor human delegation of decision-making to the wealthy. Hmm...

I reached this conclusion by observing that all marketing and all politics are measured by exposure. And exposure is measured by advertising dollars. And those dollars come out of your pocketbook. So ultimately, money is the fuel for all political movement.

I have been working on a theory for the categorization of Human Power of Influence or change-making powers. So far, all sub-categories seem to group into either Wealth, Recognition or Communication. Recognition includes fame, notoriety, popularity, the number of people who listen to / read / watch you, and attractiveness. Wealth is more easily measured by income and assets. Communication is a measure of your ability to speak so that you change someone's mind. Question: Are there any change-making powers that fall outside those three categories?

Don't Absorb Information - Act on It!

This is my response to a Sales Forum where someone said they were getting too much information, and asked if they should "buy the new book [on marketing]" right now or "wait till they have absorbed the info they already have?"

Here's what I wrote...
I'm a big fan of education, but I'm not a big fan of "absorbing material later on... or forever or waiting to absorb some more first." The fact is: we are all mostly running on our habits - sales habits, marketing habits, accounting habits. And if you received a bunch of new learning material and go back to work for more than a week or two, then anything that hasn't been implemented yet, probably never will. It will go onto a shelf.

I think that's fine though because we could never process everything that everyone recommends - not enough time and the list will grow faster than you cross things off. So I think the real key to success is to take 1-2 new habits out of the material that you read today or yesterday, and make those new permanent daily habits.

Never stop buying and reading new information though. You'll take action and pick up whatever you pick up from that old material. Then move onto the next set of materials, and try to pick up a new habit there too. The key is to just take the habits that stick around. Only use what motivates you to change a habit and implement it. Take action immediately! That's what I recommend in my book too - www.splatterdating.com

I'm pretty famous in my own community for "using" soooo much of what I learn in different programs. I use everything. But my secret to doing that is that I completely use as much as I can right when I learn. When I first read Frank's material, I immediately rewrote my entire marketing strategy and implemented as much as I could - Right Then!

I just thought of something. If you have time to read the material, then you must make time to implement those changes right in the middle of your reading time. Don't read something unless you have time to implement the parts you want to keep. If you're already sitting down to read it, that's when you implement the material! That's a realization too for me - because I didn't know I was doing that till I posted this.

The same concept works when applied to dating. It's called an Instant Date, as explained in my book: Splatter Dating!

Good luck and get movin'!!! :D

Speaking, PR and the wonderful world of Marketing

I met with Dee Frazier today. She's The Dating Diva and founder of The University of Dating, here in Dallas. She's a coach like me. Wonderful woman. She's made 20 different TV appearances, like different news programs. She gave me lots of wonderful advice on PR and Professional Speaking.

Speaking to her, I really saw the value of my marketing infrastructure. My marketing is at the top of my list of actions right now. My goal is an entire system where people who first hear about me get about 10-20 different messages (with their permission only) to them about the Splatter Dating class.

I've really seen potential in Professional Speaking and even in PR, but my marketing infrastructure must come first. If you're interested in receiving the new Splatter Dating postcards, send me an email to mark@littlelovecoach.com, and I'll include you in the postcard series.

Marketing Guru Frank R

Hello my fellow entrepreneurs,
Well I've recently decided that nobody is an expert until they have a forum for discussing their ideas. And so Frank R. joins the ranks. I've found his Sales Forum and I like it.

So, Mark, where is your forum? Well sneaky petes, here's a sneak preview of the Love Advice Forum. It's not quite ready for the big leagues, but if you ask me questions there, I will reply as soon as possible!

PS. Here's the latest business update. I'm building the new Love Kung Fu website which is going to AWESOME! I'm also creating new marketing materials that I'm really, really excited about seeing soon!

Is porn demeaning to women?

On another bulletin board, a friend said that porn is demeaning to women. Here's my response after a small debate had started...

Everyone's got good points on both sides of the "demeaning" thing.

I think the whole thing brings up the whole "art really influences society" versus "art only reflects society" debate. The short answer is: both are right.

On the flip side, I've seen porn, and plenty of tv shows ("Charmed") where the men bow down to the women and worship them, and kiss their toes. So its hard to say we should eliminate everything that's demeaning.

It's more a matter of determining whether or not the art reflects something that needs changing. Do we need to lower men's expectations in the bedroom? As far as the concepts introduced in a porn, I don't think men have that high of an expectation. They don't really expect women to do that stuff.

If the men are highly immature and insecure, and they really do expect that kind of treatment, then they probably have much bigger issues that simply overshadow the expectations for "lots of blow jobs". Since that's the case, it means that the "demeaning dramas" aren't actually causing any problems.

When someone is faced with another person, live, in their bedroom, I think they want love in a language they understand: touch, talk, acts of service or appreciation, gifts, and quality time together. And all the porn goes out the window.

Absorption, Tolerance, Sensitivity

Here's a new idea built on top of some of the Five Love Languages concepts by Gary Chapman.

It answers the question, how do we keep ourselves feeling loved in a relationship? What dynamics are at play in "filling our love tank" as Dr. Chapman discusses. I made up a few terms to use when discussing the dynamic of "filling one's love tank." Here are the terms and their meanings.

A Tolerance for Depreciation is how much of a "reservoir" of available love that you keep available in your heart for withdraws from your love tank. A huge tolerance means that you can be starved for love a long time because you a high reservoir. You have that love available. A low tolerance means that your reservoir isn't very full or is always running on empty. That means that you don't have much room for heavy depletions. Low tolerance people have to be constantly loved on.

If you have a high tolerance for depreciation, then you can afford to lose a lot a love. If you have no tolerance, then you can't afford it.

Absorption Rate is the speed at which you absorb love. High absorption means you absorb love from all 5 languages and at every opportunity. You see love in ways others don't. After most people read the Five Love Languages, they increase their Absorption rate.

The other factor is a high sensitivity versus a low sensitivity. The Sensitivity is the rate at which love is emptied. High Sensitivity is a quick loss of love. Sensitivity is like a leaky bucket. How quickly do you go from feeling completely loved to devastated? That's a measure of Sensitivity.

So Absorption is the ability to find love. Tolerance is the ability to save love up for later. And having low Sensitivity is the ability to keep from losing more love than you want to.

Feeling Loved comes from learning high Absorption, high Tolerance and low Sensitivity. Let me know what you think about these new terms. Can you see any practical application in your current relationships? Where are facile and where are you still learning Absorption, Tolerance or Sensitivity? Which variables are you learning to improve? Which factors are damaging or depleting your relationship the quickest right now? Anything you can learn from right now?

The Big Break! Called Fox 4 News!

I can barely type because I'm so excited!!! I went to an incredible networking meeting offered by Jeff Crilley and BusinessPRnews.com. It was a blast! And as a result, I ended up on the phone with Fox 4 News.

I may get an interview to talk about how to take advantage of all the new tools in dating online and offline. It's a great opportunity and I am PUMPED!

I've spent five years of growing this business like a small child. I was always expecting some magical pay-off. And although a news interview is not a big pay-off either, it represents a certain credibility that I have been seeking for some time. The book, the CD, and all the work I've done has now born its first fruits of a new dimension in success. As always, I am indebted to my brand director Leonor; my editor Neal, and my husband Dave.

What a ride!!

Four Transformations by Herbert Meyer

Although I disagree with most of his conclusions, Herbert Meyer makes some excellent points in his Four Transformations article. I only read this article in tiny spurts throughout the day because the article is so long, but its a great read and very educational. Your thoughts on the different points?

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Love Life Coaching

Abstinence and Limitations

My trek towards healthy eating continues with steady progress. Today marks the TENTH DAY of Sweets and Candy "Abstinence"! Big thanks to KickSugar and OA for the support that worked! Joining both groups was a simple exploration, and it proved really, really useful.

Going to OA meetings made me really look at my own definition of Abstinence. I am really exploring what "abstinence" means to me in regards to eating candy and junk. I had to say, "I know I eat too much candy. Are there any foods that I should give up... forever? If so, what exactly are they?" A clear definition of "abstinence" was the only way to know I was making progress. I realized that there are several foods that I should give up for life. Candy, cakes, cookies, colas and coffees came to mind immediately.

So I decided the above no-no list was my new "standard" for abstinence. At OA, its used in terms of "How long you've been abstinent." So that's my standard - its's completely pulled from thin air as an experiment in eating better.

Now. I later learned of something called "slip ups". What I realized is that there are slip ups where you cross your boundaries, and then there's "off the wagon." Our roommate Mikell offered me some cake. Now normally, I would just keep eating and eating most of the cake over a 3-day period. But since he offered, I agreed to a bite. After that bite, I stopped myself from eating anymore. That's what I call a slip up. What allows a few slip ups is that they aren't even every week, and that I always stop after one bite.

The trick is in keeping the boundaries that you set up originally. For example, I went a Toast to Life event. They had incredible appetizers and desserts lined up. So rather than give up this rare opportunity to taste Dallas' best desserts, I simply set a limitation to my eating. Since each item was the size of a single large bite, I set a limit of 7 appetizer bites and 3 dessert bites. And guess what?!!! I kept my limit! I learned a lot from exploring Abstinence. Yeah for ten days!!!